Okay so here it is 3:00 am and I am wide awake. You ask Why? I really don't know. I have laid in bed for over an hour and just kind of layed there. I couldn't fall asleep.

Could it be that I am worried about Zoe with her father?
Could it be that I am worried about being a good step-mom to Lexi?
Could it be that I am worried that JR will never ask me to marry him?
Could it be that I still don't have any friends in Wichita Falls?
Could it be that I don't like staying home and not working?
Could it be that I don't know what to do with myself?
And on top of it all, I am angry at myself for questioning these things and not just relaxing and letting life happen?

My friend Jay tells me all the time re-effing-lax. He says I am one of the most tense people he knows and that I need to relax and let life happen.

Zoe will always have to go with her father.
I will eventually find my stride with Lexi and we will be fine.
JR loves me with all his heart and is going to ask. (I hope :-))
I will make new friends.
Work will start in a few weeks and I will bitch about not having any free time.
And I will figure myself out as time goes by.
And I need to stop being so angry.

I hate feeling out of control and that is my main problem. I have no control over certain things right now and it is so hard to deal with that. ARGHHHHHH!!!!

Life is not bad, in fact it is good...I just want better and that makes me feel guilty.

I know, I know...re-effing-lax. Sigh...why can't I?

Well, I guess I will lay down again and try to go to sleep. Love to all and I hope you are relaxing.

Freckles

So last night I spent a good hour counting freckles on the girls. Of course they only have three apiece but they wanted me to keep counting because Momma has a lot and they only have three, :-(. We had to look at every bump, bruise and spot on them just to make sure. Also, I told them that they are Angel kisses and of course who doesn't want to have Angel kisses on their body? Little kids are so funny sometimes. They made me smile a lot last night.

I spending as much time as I can with the girls right now. Lexi and Zoe are about to start school and so am I (teaching that is). I swear when school is going on, I barely have enough time for them, JR, or even myself. This summer has gone by so fast and I really don't feel like I have spent enough time with either of them. And I am about to leave again on Wednesday to take Zoe back to her Dad for another two weeks. It just stinks and I miss my girl so much. Oh well, I guess that is part of being a divorced parent.

Well, I gotta go swimming again. I know you are jealous. I love all and I hope I get some more readers soon.

Hello everyone:

I just started my blog today because my sister made me. And, if you know my sister you know that I am telling the truth. I am really excited and I am going to try and be a good blogger. I won't promise everyday but hopefully every week. I love everyone reading this (unless you are some weird0) and I hope that everyone is having a great summer so far.

Best to all,

Bear