Okay so here it is 3:00 am and I am wide awake. You ask Why? I really don't know. I have laid in bed for over an hour and just kind of layed there. I couldn't fall asleep.

Could it be that I am worried about Zoe with her father?
Could it be that I am worried about being a good step-mom to Lexi?
Could it be that I am worried that JR will never ask me to marry him?
Could it be that I still don't have any friends in Wichita Falls?
Could it be that I don't like staying home and not working?
Could it be that I don't know what to do with myself?
And on top of it all, I am angry at myself for questioning these things and not just relaxing and letting life happen?

My friend Jay tells me all the time re-effing-lax. He says I am one of the most tense people he knows and that I need to relax and let life happen.

Zoe will always have to go with her father.
I will eventually find my stride with Lexi and we will be fine.
JR loves me with all his heart and is going to ask. (I hope :-))
I will make new friends.
Work will start in a few weeks and I will bitch about not having any free time.
And I will figure myself out as time goes by.
And I need to stop being so angry.

I hate feeling out of control and that is my main problem. I have no control over certain things right now and it is so hard to deal with that. ARGHHHHHH!!!!

Life is not bad, in fact it is good...I just want better and that makes me feel guilty.

I know, I know...re-effing-lax. Sigh...why can't I?

Well, I guess I will lay down again and try to go to sleep. Love to all and I hope you are relaxing.